Reflections

There are many times during nursing school that I have felt so totally incompetent, that I believed I truly would never know enough to be a nurse.  But there are also those times when I think, "Hey, it's okay.  I've got this!"  And so it goes, the roller coaster of self doubt and self confidence.  I imagine it will be that way well into my career.  I can't imagine a day going by without learning something new.

I've been on the transplant floor for my Med/Surg II clinical rotation.  I find it extremely challenging, and at the same time, reaffirming my decision to pursue this career.  Although transplant was not my first choice, I have enjoyed it very much and I learn so much every day.  I have seen a lot of liver and kidney transplant patients, and I feel like the complications of their illnesses give me a good systems perspective on the "big picture" of disease and how the deficiency of one organ can affect everything else in the body and the person.  

I have found that there is a unique aspect of psych nursing to transplants that I am not always prepared for.  It's an interesting dynamic - the life of one person depending on the death (or at least major surgery) of another. And what about the person who is in need of a transplant because of their own actions (e.g. alcoholic liver cirrhosis)?  Man I thought OB was full of ethical dilemmas...

But the most devastating situation I've encountered is a patient in need of a transplant through no fault of their own, who became too sick to accept the organ even if one were to become available.  I was almost sick hearing the attending physician explain to the family that the patient probably would not live long enough to recover and receive the long-awaited organ.  I wondered again as I have often wondered,  
why do such bad things happen to such good people?  
I will always remember that patient  - how they held my hand and thanked me for my help even at the end of life.  And though I felt totally helpless, and my heart was breaking for this family, I was glad to have known them.

But as I consider working in rural medicine, I wonder - would I be able to provide the same care for people that I know and love?  Would I have been able to hold it together if that had been a friend of mine?  I remember my Mom telling me once that she hated being an EMT in the county that we're from, because she knew everybody that she was called to help.  A good friend who is a Nurse Practitioner in the same county told me, "You just do it.  You do what you know how to do, then you break down later."

I would be glad to hear your thoughts on that topic if anyone has experience and is willing to share.  Just leave a comment at the bottom of this post or e-mail me at ntbnotes@gmail.com.